One of my most profound and cherished memories, is from when I was about 10 years old. On a wintery Sunday, I sat by the fireplace with my grandmother. She took my hand, stroking it in silence for about 15 min. I felt awkward having her hold my hand like that, but I liked being close to her, I enjoyed the silence and tranquility of sitting next to her. So, I shoved my discomfort of girl raised in the Bronx with this unfamiliar physical touch enveloped in silence.
After those long 15 minutes, my grandmother spoke up. She was a healer, 85 years old, small and fragile in figure, powerful in willpower. “Ritu’,” she said, short for Ritucella, little, cute Rita, her name for me.
“Ritu’,” she said, “C’emma vule’ bbene. Solo l’amore conta n’a vita, sulo l’amore.”–We need to love each other. Only love counts in life, only love.
“A morte se porta appresso tutte cose. Ma l’amore ca ci vulimmo, chillo nun more mai.”–Death will take everything away, except love. the love we have for each other stays forever.
People who know me may have already heard this story; I tell it often.
At the time, I didn’t think much of what had happened. I remembered this moment, like a flash in the night, at 5am, the minute I hung up the phone, 14 years later, when my mother called me to tell me she had died.
That simple moment, embodies what I frequently say about “simple wisdom” of farmers, who lived by the land. My grandmother was the epitomy of it. It’s this being in tune with nature that reveals profound truths. the fact is, love is the motor of the universe. Everything we are, and we are not, is based on the love we received, and the love we felt. As children, feeling love is very deeply connected to who we become, who we know ourselves to be, and what we dare to do.
In that moment, my grandmother was imparting on me the biggest of all lessons: love is the motor of life–it’s the only thing that matters. My grandmother was transmitting the permanence of love in the midst of an impermanent life.
She taught me how to love fiercely, in the face of everything. She taught me to see that most of the things we devote energy to are not worth investing in. Love is all that matters.
I’m not talking about the mushy love, but the fierce love. The love that has us stand in the face of adversity with one another. The love That has us embrace, who we can count on, who has our back, who we can trust. Who we can count on has transformative power: it shifts the way we see ourselves and the world.